Contemplation 05/01/2010
 
A couple of days ago I went back up to visit my daughter's grave. I find it really difficult to leave once I get there, as though her soul is hanging out there in need of company. Or maybe it's just for me. I wish I'd have buried her in my yard so that I could be closer, could go out each night and talk to her. I know I can do that without the grave. I do talk to her. A lot.

Her headstone was finally installed recently. It's heart-shaped. I probably told you that in a previous post.

I've been doing better. One day at a time. Also I keep telling myself that she's happy, and with God. Every time I start to panic, to feel overwhelming pain, I take a minute to say it to myself. She's with God. And I'm in His hands as well. It helps me feel better.

Still, I get sad. When I go to sit in the yard I think of how much she used to love sitting outside in her wheelchair. She loved tossing the ball out there. Every time she'd hear a lawnmower or loud car, she'd cover her ears and wait for me to make it stop. :)

I'm writing, quite a bit. School starts on the 20th of this month and I need to get in as much writing as possible before I have to slow down for classes.
 


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