Today was a decent day. I laughed once and then felt bad for doing it, as though she was listening and wondering why I was, for that one second, not so sad. As though it meant that I loved her any less. Silly, I know, but when you're grieving and devastated and hurt, you're not always logical. Your thoughts aren't always straight. So I felt guilty for that laugh. How could I, for even one brief instant, feel like laughing? My baby is gone.

I tried to log in before midnight to make my daily post, but the site was down. So I'm sure I'll have two posts showing up for the day.

Tomorrow I'm going to spend the day shopping. I can spend hours and hours shopping and wear anyone else out who is with me. Lately, especially, I've wanted to spend time out of the house, even if it means walking aimlessly around the stores. I just want to lose myself in the throngs of people, to not sit here and think. So tomorrow, or today, I guess it is now, I'm going shopping. I could clean house, again, but there isn't much to do and shopping suits my mood. Saturdays are good for buying things you don't need, especially when doing so will help you feel better.

I'm all for feeling better. I try to do everything possible to help myself. I even limited myself to one bowl of ice cream for tonight and a couple of mini powdered donuts with my coffee this morning. I had a turkey sandwich for lunch and a salad and baked potato for dinner. That's an improvement.

My dog is acting depressed today, which worries me a little. She's so sweet, and smart, and loved my little girl. Those two bonded from the very beginning. We're all just kind of lost.

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