My family and I have to go to a meeting with the prosecutor on Thursday. A few days after that, the penalty phase of the trial begins. Life or death. We'll know soon, and can put this thing behind us.

I spent today finishing up those pesky line edits, and sent the ms back to my editor tonight.

Tomorrow is going to be a warm, sunny day. I'll spend as much of it as possible in my backyard, wearing myself out so I won't think so much. Tomorrow would have been my baby's birthday, and she did so love her parties. The day after tomorrow will make it three months since she died.

Last night I had a dream, and it was so real I cry every time I think about it. It didn't fade away, like most of my dreams.

In the dream, my ex-husband and his wife were taking my baby on a plane, taking her away somewhere. I was worried because they forgot to take diapers, and all the things she'd need to take a trip. And I was afraid she wouldn't be comfortable. She couldn't sit for long periods, it hurt her little body.

In the dream, they couldn't recline her seat because there wasn't enough room. I don't know how I knew that since I wasn't on the plane, but I knew. And she was sitting there like a little princess, waving to whoever happened to be looking her way. She was going away, without me, on that plane.

What is she going to do without me? What am I going to do without her?

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