Sackcloth and Gashes

Is it strange that I often look into the clouds, hoping for a sign or picture from my daughter or brothers or God? I took these today as I was standing out in my backyard, looking into the sky.

I enjoyed playing with glitter paint and glue and stickers. I made bookmarks, and am proud of them, even if they look a little goofy. :)

I changed my header picture once again. I change it based on mood, but I'm going to leave this one for awhile, I think. I do love yellow flowers. They're just so cheerful and happy.

I went to the store today to pick up a few household items, and ended up with some black poster board, more glass beads, and glitter paint. I'm making bookmarks. I should be writing on the ms, but...

After I write today's post, I may write a little. I really, really need to get disciplined. For the last couple of years I joined NaNoWriMo, and I love the daily pressure to get that word count. I work best under pressure.

Has anyone tried the Shake Weights? I'm thinking about getting one. I really don't like lifting weights, and these look fun. I think I'll give it a try.

Today's mail brought a pink wallet for my iPod Touch. It's okay, but a little awkward. I use my Touch so much. I don't know what I did without it. Just like internet. What did we do before internet?

My son gave me these flowers today, along with a heart-shaped box of chocolates. I love flowers...They always brighten my day. And my son is awesome.

I want to go back to school. I just can't, for the life of me, figure out what degree I want to get. What do I want to do? I don't know anymore. I always wanted to go into the medical field, ever since I was a kid, but not now. Now the very thought turns my stomach. So what the heck is it I want to do?

Something outdoors sounds great. Something physical, but I'm also all about the paperwork and the writing and the office...

I just don't know. Why is it always so difficult for us to figure ourselves out? I could probably look at another person and have all sorts of ideas for them. But when it comes to myself....nope.

And this is a very small town. There isn't a lot to do in this entire county. I will continue writing, of course. It's what I do, what I love. But I want something else, too. Problem is figuring out what.

The way you get meaning into your
life is to devote yourself to loving others,
devote yourself to your community around you,
and devote yourself to creating something that
gives you purpose and meaning.
--Mitch Albom

I was okay today. I was okay. Up, down, up, down. Such is life.

I'm going to write. It'd be fantastic if I could finish up the ms today, though that's not going to happen. Still, I'm going to try to get a good chunk taken care of today.

I have a vase of cut flowers on my desk that smell so great. They remind me of Spring. My dog is here beside me, keeping me company as I write. Isn't she beautiful?

Please excuse me if I seem slightly...insane. One day I'm so far down I don't think I'll ever be able to feel right again, and the next day I'm feeling better and so grateful to be feeling better that I hold on to that with everything I've got, hoping that feeling will stay with me.

Today Under the Dome came in the mail, and a really pretty black and silver beaded bookmark. I love bookmarks, almost as much as I love books. And journals. And notebooks, office supplies, paper. I'm a writer. We have to love that stuff. It's the law. ;)

I do love Stephen King. I've been reading him since I was a teenager, and haven't stopped. The Stand, The Dark Tower books, Misery, oh, just about everything he's written. The man is Superwriter.

I've joined Twitter, looking for some folks with interesting lives to read about. I'm always searching for things to take me out of my head. I'm going to try to be more positive in this blog, less...miserable. Maybe if I write good stuff, I'll be good stuff. Happiness. Is it real, or is it Memorex?

I had two powdered donuts with my coffee this morning. Damn it! I've got to stop buying those sweets. A long time ago I was told about weighted hula hoops, how great of a workout you can get with them, how toned, etc. So I made one. You can find the instructions here, if you'd like to try making your own. It is fun, and you can buy DVDs to hoop along to. You don't use the standard child-sized hoops; the adult fitness ones are huge, and heavy. When I first started using mine I got some serious bruises! Mine might have been a bit too heavy. Here is another article on hooping.

We got a lot of snow last night. It started before I went to sleep and when I woke up today, the world was pretty white. It didn't take long for the scrapers and salt trucks to clear up the streets, though. According to my mom, more snow is coming in tonight. And because it's going to be 15 degrees out, the wet roads will freeze, making travel dangerous.

I'm not planning on going anywhere tonight. I'm feeling hermit-like. For now.

Is it really darkest just before the dawn? Because I need the dawn. It's been dark for so long. Surely it's time for dawn.

Some days I can't make myself look for a good thing. So I don't. But on those days when I can, I do. That's today's good thing. I'm still able to believe in good things. I still care, I still hope.